Where Did I Go?

If you are a follower on my facebook page, you may have seen the post I made about compiling a "30 before 30" list of things to accomplish in the last six months before I hit the big 3-0 in January (look for that post tomorrow!).

Well, as I was sitting here thinking about what sort of things I'd like to accomplish in the next six months, I was struck with the thought that this list was all about me.  Furthermore, I was glad about it.


I know, I know, insert a huge gasp of shock here along with an exclamation of, "But that's selfish!"  

But is it?

I don't think so.

There's a tendency, in my observation, for mothers to go to one of two extremes:  they either feel they simply MUST have a girl's night out or "me time" once a day, twice a week, several times a month (or whatever arbitrary time period) OR they become a martyr that prides themselves in NEVER needing those things.

Surely, there is a healthy medium in there somewhere?

We have to find the balance between putting our needs(or wants) ahead of our families and not losing ourselves in the fray.

So back to my list...

I was brainstorming ideas and I had this sudden realization that slowly, but surely I've given up many of the hobbies that interested me prior to having children.  Some of this is to be expected because my first priority is to take care of my husband and children, so time simply doesn't allow for certain things (at least not while my children are still so young), but why did it all disappear?  And where did it go?

Where did I go?

In my not so recent and off and on struggles, I've been trying to find my way back to healthy because it is one of my deepest desires to be a solid and stable example to my children.  I know what's it's like to grow up with the opposite of that and I pray often that God will help me raise my children without such influences.   Can I be that figure of stability if I lose myself in the process?  Can I teach my children to grow to their fullest potential if I'm stifling mine?

I believe the answer to be "No," which leaves me here, trying to sort through it all, searching for the pieces of the puzzle that was shelved for awhile, attempting to reassemble it so I can see the picture again.

Have you ever lost yourself in the trenches of life and motherhood?  How did you regain ground?

This post is also shared with:

Growing Home, Time Warp Wife,  Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots at Home, Women Living Well, Raising Mighty Arrows, A Mama's Story, Raising Arrows, The Better Mom, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, and Far Above Rubies