My mother is the middle child out of seven. That's right, she has six brothers and sisters. My mother in law has around 14. My father in law tops the charts with something like 17 siblings. This was only two generations ago. Now I walk through the grocery store with my three children and I get stopped multiple times with the comment, "Wow, you sure have your hands full!"
It's not the comment in itself that bothers me. It's the tone of voice. That little hint of something that insinuates that you think I'm certifiably nuts because I have more than the "average" 2.5 allotted children. Or worse, that repulsive question, that I honestly cannot believe a stranger would ask, "Don't you know what causes that?"
I'm sorry. I truly wasn't aware that children were some kind of communicable disease that must be prevented at all costs. The most hurtful of all the comments come from family members who seem to think that we are just determined to put ourselves in dire straits with each pregnancy that occurs.
I love children...especially my own. I dreamed of children my whole life. In large quantities. In fact, I remember telling Alec before we were married that I always saw myself having at least 4 or 5 children. Now, with 3, I still feel that way. I had a quite horrid childhood and I daydreamed about the lives that I would give my children to help transport me from the things going on in my own. I know MANY people with more children than we have. Many more. Makes me wonder the comments THEY get.
When did having three children become so abnormal? When I was pregnant with Aron, several people told me that they figured we were "done" now since we had one child of each gender. Is that the only mission in having children? To ensure that you have a boy and a girl? Would they have said that to me if Lydia had come before Aron? THEN would it be acceptable to have a third child?
"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." Psalm 127:3
Now, before you say anything. I do not judge at all the number of children someone else has in their family. That is a decision between you, your husband, and the Lord and it is none of my business. I do not think someone is "less Christian" if they only have one child or that they are "more godly" if they have fifteen. We do not consider ourselves Quiverfull and have no plans to try to catch up the Duggars, but even if we did, what' s the big deal? Having children is an individual family's decision and quite frankly, in my very honest opinion, the outside world should have no commentary on the matter.
I just don't get the mentality that so many parents these days have about their children. They have them because they think they are supposed to, then spend the next 18 years complaining about how much they are driving them crazy and then hurry them along so they can get them out of their hair.
My children are such blessings to me. It makes me deeply sad that they are growing so fast and every time I'm struck with the realization that they have moved up into another developmental stage I feel a little twinge in my heart, that reminds me that my time with them is so very fleeting.
Does this mean that they are perfect little angels? Absolutely not. Do they ever make me feel like I'm going completely batty? Most definitely. Quite often, really. But, I still wouldn't trade it for the world. Despite all the times when I feel like I'm completely lost when it comes to discipline, despite all the times when I've changed twenty diapers and cleaned up the fifth spilled drink of the day, despite all the times I have to reread the same storybook for the third time in a row, my children are precious to my heart. Every day my children make me smile. Every day I get to watch them learn something new about this great big world that God made. Every day I get the opportunity to help shape and mold three little hearts towards the Lord. Every day I hear a precious voice say, "Mommy, I love you." So, yes, I have my hands full. And I love it.
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We have 3 too and we got so many rude comments about "surely your done NOW, right?" I would love more, but it looks like the Lord may think we're done. Either way, my biggest issue is that people can't understand leaving it up to Him! (and that I don't think I need to talk about it with complete strangers!) I always say something like "The more the merrier!" or "It's a crazy-beautiful life!" and walk away.
ReplyDeleteChildren have become a status symbol and a control-thing. One more thing to mark off your bucket list or one more thing in your life plan. As if it's all up to you.
Blessings to you for expressing such a lovely mother-heart!
What a great mom! How great to have such a great family!
ReplyDeleteWe have 3 and I get the "hands full" comment a lot. I just found out #4 is on the way. So that will be 4 kids, ages 6 and under. I know that now I'm sure to start getting some of the rude comments. People already think we're a little crazy.
ReplyDeleteGood encouragement today for me.
I agree! I have four and get the same comments, even when I only have three of them with me! Little do they know that I would love 6 or 8! I don't know if that will happen though...so far it isn't. The worst was when my dad handed me some cash and said, "you can put this toward getting your husband snipped". Gee thanks. We don't believe in "snipping", thank you very much! I wrote a post on this topic also, if you're interested: http://countrymomto4.blogspot.com/2011/02/are-we-done-yet.html
ReplyDeleteI found you on the Raising Homemakers Link-up today!
You know what I say to the "You sure have your hands full" comment? I say, "Better full than empty." That shuts them up! LOL! :) I have 3 (5 and under) and hope to have 1 more. Well, I wouldn't mind more than just 1 more, but hubby's pretty firm on us having only 4.
ReplyDeleteI am about to become the mother of 9 (PG with twins right now) and I can tell you there is certainly no such thing as too many children. They are truly G-d's blessing and bring us closer to Him. I am not even 30, and I pray I can continue bearing children for may more years. I can't imagine an empty home with just one or two children.
ReplyDeleteI appreciated reading your words!! I too get the comment- "You must have your hands full" or "you are busy!" I just answer, "yes, we have a full/busy house & I love it!"
ReplyDeleteHope you have a wonderful day!
Jessica
I get that comment too--and I only have two so far! I'm pregnant with my third, and ecstatic! I would love to have a whole bunch of children, and it saddens me that society sees children as a burden. I love my babies! We have two girls so friends and family always say things like "If this is a boy, are you going to be done?" or "If it's another girl, do you think you'll keep trying for a boy?" Society thinks the perfect amount of children is two--a girl and a boy. It's so important to so many people to have one of each... it amazes me that people think it's unfortunate to have more than one of the same gender! So many people thought I was disappointed when I found out our second was also a girl. I was ecstatic! I love children, girls AND boys, and I will never be disappointed in what God blesses me with!
ReplyDeleteMy dad calls my husband and I his "producers" because we are always pregnant (we have a 3.5-year-old, and an 18-month-old, and 17 weeks pregnant currently, plus we miscarried one in between the girls). Thankfully, he loves it. It's a nice change from the rest of the world that is appalled that we would have "so many" children!
I only have 2 so far and I've already had comments! My first is a girl and after we had our son LOTS of people just matter of factly said, "Well, good. You have your girl and boy and now you can be done." Well, thanks so much for informing me, I didn't know I was only allowed 2! It drives me batty when people say that, but I just laugh and tell them, "Oh no, I'm not done. I want at least 2 more!" They're never quite sure what to say.
ReplyDeleteSo far (only pg with #3 and not very obviously yet) I only get an occasional "hands full" when my two are acting up a bit. But I figure when we start getting rude questions from strangers, to employ a strategy from Miss Manners: "Why do you ask?"
ReplyDeleteKatie
Great post! My husband & I have two boys, and while we were always set on the number 2, we got a lot of comments after the second was born, "Are you going to try for a girl?" :) People think they have the right to ask, and it's kind of weird! I agree with many of your responses here, and that it's not up to society to tell you how many children to have. What a strange idea that it's their business! :) Oh well, we can grin & bear it or we can get angry... I think the smile is better in the long run!
ReplyDeleteEmily
what a sweet post and beautiful family. We have 5 great kids aged 5 to 15. People sometimes make impolite comments about our family size, but I have noticed that God always sends someone soon after to encourage me and lift my spirits. No matter what our family situation is, we just have to strive to use our lives to bring glory to His kingdom.
ReplyDeleteThanks for those thoughts. I have three myself, all girls. I'm typically asked, "Are you STILL going to try for a boy?" As if the only reason we had a third was because we so desperately needed a boy. I usually respond with something like, "If we feel that great of a need to have a boy, we'll adopt one." I did not have easy pregnancies and we believe the third was our last. Our third girl never was or will be a disappointment and if God blesses us through adoption one day, boy or girl, we'll be thrilled.
ReplyDeleteI have had friends that had several children of one gender receive responses like that, and I've never understood it. They are ALL blessings!
DeleteSeriously, I could have written this myself! I have 3 boys and when we go to the store people give me the "hands full" comment. At first I would stumble over my words trying to explain that I actually LIKE my kids. But now I use the line "Better full than empty!" They move on quickly...But I also get strange comments bc my boys aren't running wild all over the aisles. Two are in the buggy and one is walking along with me. People think they're odd bc they're not crazy acting! It's like people don't even like children anymore. It's very sad...
ReplyDeleteIt is very sad. :( I'd have many many more if DH was on board!
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